Last year I wrote the blog but somehow these thoughts feel so personal that I am not so comfortable doing that. Maybe I will put this writing on the blog later but that seems not so important; sharing my ideas with you seems much more relevant. Your responses mean so much to me; I want to thank you for writing back.
So I am still struggling with sleep and my solution is to read. Before I left the US, I loaded my kindle up with the usual variety of fluff; romance novels, mystery novels and then a few, more demanding and thought provoking books of fiction and history. I like romance novels. I like knowing that love will out in the most unrealistic way, i.e., happily ever after. I also find it interesting to read about relationships now that I am not in a romantic one nor am I listening to others talk about theirs (except for my friends, of course). For the last few days I have been reading mystery/detective novels. This morning in my meditation I had this insight. The reason I am liking the detective novels is that our hero or heroine, who is extremely intelligent, intuitive and physically adept, overcomes evil. As I travel and learn the history or hear the current abuses of power where I am, I am deeply impressed by how evil we are, albeit intertwined with goodness.
Einstein said that the problem can't be solved on the level of the problem. I am comforted by this. I am doing something that may help in a way that is different than dealing with the problem at the level of the problem, not that I don't value that as well. Maybe this is arrogant. Maybe it is just plain wishful. But it gives meaning to the struggles I feel when I can't sleep, when I am overwhelmed with the question of what am I doing?, when I feel cut off from the usual comforts of this world, loved ones, physical ease.
Thank you for listening. Thank you for loving me, being my friend, my confident. I am blessed. I feel the tendrils of connection even here, on the other side of the world.
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